It's Rantin' Time!

I'm not sure why, but I sort of hate the world today.

It's been a long, long week at work, and I'm feeling like having a bit of a rant to help lift some of the black clouds currently floating over my head.

Either that, or spread the doom clouds until they blot out the sun. BWAHAHAHAHA! *ahem* Sorry, about that..

So, our topic for today is going to be PET PEEVES. Everyone has them. That thing that people do that makes you just want to punch them in the throat.

A few of mine? Well! I'm so glad you asked!

*Disclaimer--if any of these apply to you, please note that you are the single exception :). Blog follower love!

Top 10 Pet Peeves:

1) People who mispronounce simple words! It's lib-rar-y, not LIBARRY, frustrated with an R and not FUSTRATED, and prob-ab-ly, not PROBALY! Seriously, people. It's not that hard.

2) Close talkers! What is up with those people who corner me at the water cooler and insist on talking in my face from a mere 3" away? Are they trying to read my mind by being closer? Are they trying to pick my pockets? Do they not realize that their coffee/cigarette breath is melting off my eyebrows?

3) The phrase "Well, at least you still have a job!" I think this is the new version of "Sounds like somebody's got a case of the MONDAYS!" Just..... stop it.

4) Office thermostats! When it's 90 degrees outside, it's inevitably 90 degrees inside, because the heat was left on from the previous day. Then, when I wear short sleeves to compensate for office hotness, it's 40 degrees outside, and 40 degrees inside because they fixed the previously problem and now the air conditioning is on a timer. A pox on you, office thermostats! Why must you mock me??

5) People who I've never seen before telling me their life story! Note: this does not apply to lovely, lovely internet people :). I love you all. This has to do with me standing in line to buy a soda at the grocery store, and having someone tell me all about their sister-in-law's tumor with the teeth growing out of it. OMG, have we met??? NO?? Then why are you telling me these things?!

6) The price of delicious, life-giving energy drinks! When I get mad, all I want to do is buy a Monster and get caffeinated like a crazy jungle monkey. However, energy drinks are always like $2.50. This enrages me further. I do not have exact change past 1.00! I carry plastic! PLASTIC!

7) Being mauled by boy scouts! In my town, it's Boy Scout Season, which means scouts are staking out the doors of every local establishment and pressuring me to buy cookies from them when I leave. Just let me get to my car, boy scouts! Why can't you go door to door like I used to when I was a kid? Then I can just pretend I'm not home. If I want your cookies, I will find you.

8) People who ask me how to spell something while sitting in front of a computer! Seriously, you can't just use spell check? Or google? Or dictionary.com? Nothing?? Sure, I could spell it for you, but it feels ... somehow... like you're just being lazy.

9) Red Lobster commercials! I recently became allergice to tasty, tasty shellfish, and now everytime All-You-Can-Eat-Shrimp comes on the TV, I feel like crying or else trying to dip random food into hot, melty, butter to compensate. It's just not the same...

10) Plumber's crack at work! Can you really not feel the draft, there, buddy? How about you, lady-bending-over-the-copier? Somehow, I don't think naked asscrack is an official part of the dress code.

I realized today while fuming over petty details of my everyday life that our characters probably do the same thing :). Do you guys give your characters pet peeves?

If so, what are they? If not, why not?

Memory Lane: It Sucks to be Young!

For those of us who write YA stories, or even just have characters who are kids, I ask you...

Do you ever think about what you don't miss about being a kid?

I think a lot of the time as adults we remember the fun things like sleepovers, first kisses, and snap bracelets (those things were BOSS!), but are we really staying true to character in our writing if we don't round out the picture?

Let's indulge in some anti-nostalgia to get in touch with our inner child!

Top 10 Things that I DON'T Miss About Being a Kid:

10) Massive pimples before major events! Before prom when I was 16 years old, I got the biggest zit of my life on the end of my nose. Can you say, Rudolph the Reindeer? I covered it in about an inch of coverup, but yeah, my nose was officially misshapen for The Big Night. I do not miss zits.

9) Parental control of the TV! I'm not saying that I hate Jessica Parker or anything, but what kid really wants to be watching Murder She Wrote? 60 Minutes? Crossfire? Bonanza? (Sorry, Hoss, and Little Joe. You're boring.)

8) Bedtime/Curfew! When I was young, I had a 9 p.m. bedtime, which means that no matter how badly I wanted to stay up for The X Files, I wasn't allowed. Also, I live in the northwest, so during the summer it's light until about 11 p.m. I would lie in bed with the sunlight streaming in through my curtains, listening to the sounds of kids without bedtimes shrieking with laughter down the block. Not. Cool.

7) No money! Oh, I'm sorry, you wanted the new CoolNameBrandThingyMcStuff? Get a job. I once saved up months and months and months for a toy only to realize when I finally had enough money for it... that I'd outgrown it and no longer wanted it.

6) Homework! At least at my job I don't have to take anything home. Remember staying up late desperately trying to read the last of the book you'd been neglecting so you could finish that project that's due tomorrow? Yikes. Stress levels are on Defcon 1! I literally still have nightmares where I'll be in a panic over some research paper I forgot to write.

5) Stuff marketed for kids/teens is gross. I bought a shirt at the store 20 Below which was geared toward teens with no money--everything is $20 or less! The stitching came out in the first wash cycle and that was that. Also, anyone here remember Crystal Pepsi? I was reminded of that today, and thought "Why the hell would they make a pepsi that is only cool because it's clear... and then sell it in school vending machines INSIDE A CAN. The teens who buy it don't have glassware, people. They're at SCHOOL. We can't see the coolness. Also, now it tastes funny. Brilliant.

4) No one listens to you. "What's that, little Sally? You saw Old Man Jenkins shoplifting down at the store and then he blamed it on your friends? Well, that can't be possible! Old Man Jenkins is an adult. Stop making up stories--you're grounded!"

3) No car. Oh, you'd like to go on a date? You want to go to the mall? You forgot your coat at school? Well, I sure hope it's within walking distance, otherwise tough luck. Otherwise, you'll be taking the bus.

2) Other kids are jerks. Are you overweight? Too tall? Too short? Too skinny? Hair too curly? Have braces? Wear glasses? Walk funny? Too smart? Too average? Use big words? Use small words? Laugh too much? Act too quiet? Big boobs? No boobs? ...Well, you're pretty much screwed.

1) Feeling sorry for yourself. Everything seems worse when you have more hormones coursing through you at light speed and no control over the things that seem most important.

So, what about you guys? What do you not miss about being a kid? :)

Top 10 Things I'm Thankful For

*picture courtesy of CakeWrecks.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all of my American friends!

In honor of Thanksgiving, I wanted to keep with tradition and mention things that I'm thankful for. Without further ado, I present to you:

Top 10 Things I'm Thankful For:

10) Sweet, sweet books. This year I realized that I can read a book or two a week, and that I'm okay w/ spending money to feed my habit. I *may* have gotten smarter, too, but the jury's still out. Still, what a wonderful year for reading new books!

9) Agent and Editor blogs! Without wonderful blogs from people like Moonrat, Rachelle Gardner, Kristin Nelson, and many others in my sidebar, I would still be wandering around without a clue. Love and thanks!

8) Writers forums like Querytracker.net! Seriously. I can't recommend this site enough if you're looking for help with your query, or just the support and comaraderie of a group of seriously cool writers.

7) Addictive and hilarious blogs like The Rejectionist who makes the slings and arrows of the publishing industry funny again, while still warning us not to Anger the Assistant.

6) Control + F. I love you, Ctrl + F. You saved me so many times while I was revising and editing my manuscript :). You helped me change a character's name without going crazy, as well as replacing words I use way, way too much. You've got my back, Ctrl + F, and for that I am eternally grateful.

5) White wine and bubble baths, because they are the perfect solution to a hectic day. After a bubble bath with a glass of white wine and a favorite book, I feel recharged and ready to write. So much awesomeness.

4) The Biggest Loser for being a reality TV show that tries to help people instead of just being a trainwreck, and for making me want to get in shape. The Biggest Loser coerced me into getting onto my exercise bike last night, and for that, I am grateful. Plus, Jillian Michaels scares me straight. Holy crap, lady...

3) My AMAZING blog followers and friends! You guys have made my year amazing by sticking with me as I blogged this year and commenting along. Your comments and the conversations we have make this blog at least three times as cool as it would be without you. You guys rock! :)

2) My critique buddies and beta readers! Without you guys and your dedication, my book would suck :). Blessings to everyone who's helped me get LEGACY OF THE EMPRESS polished and shiny. You are amazing people, and I value your criticism more than chocolate!

1) Finally... the last thing I'm thankful for ..... is that no one gave me that Coiled Poo Turkey Cake today (pictured above.) For those of you who don't know what CakeWrecks is, go check out the link at the top of this post and laugh until it hurts. It's the best.

Happy holidays, and have a great weekend!

What are you thankful for this year?

Procrastination: Top 10 Ways to Stop Writing!

Boy howdy, I loves me some good ol' fashioned procrastination.

I'm so close to finally being done w/ my WIP, LEGACY OF THE EMPRESS, that I've found every way under the sun to avoid actually working on it.

Yes, I am one efficient lady that way ;).

To be truthful, I did start polishing on it again last night and tonight, but I've been riding the Procrastination Train to Lazyville for the past several days.

So, without further ado, let me share some things I picked up along the way!

Top 10 Ways to Stop Writing:

10) Look up quotes on writing from famous authors! After all, how can you write if you're not properly "inspired?" Sure, they all give advice on putting your butt in the chair, but maybe if you keep checking you'll find something really useful!

9) Watch the show CASTLE! It's like, reasearch and stuff, because Nathan Fillion is playing a thriller writer working with the cops! Ooh, do writers really get paid that much? Whoa, nice place, Castle. You renting that from Stephen King? Wait a minute, why does he get supermodels for his book signing photo shoot... does that really happen?

8) Watch reality TV! It's the perfect way to develop characters, right, guys? After all, it's like a socialogical experiment gone horribly wrong with every new show you view!

7) Read publishing blogs! Not only are you procrastinating, but you're doing it alongside other writers and industry professionals. Plus, it's educational! BONUS!

6) Read the backs of all the books you own! What better way to not write your query than by studying how to do it the way the professionals do? Spend time studying the way they hook the reader and summarize their story without giving too much away. Lather, rinse, repeat!

5) Log onto Twitter! Oh, heck, it's networking, platform building, and fun times all rolled into one. Plus, you'll be kept busy with all that refreshing :). It's like exercise for your fingers as you procrastinate! (Sure, you say, typing a novel would be much better finger exercise. SHHHH! We can't hear you while we're procrastinating!)

4) Watch Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog! And then fantasize about how your platform would be so much better if you only a) were blogging in a musical, b) were in the Evil League of Evil, c) were wearing cool goggles while you blogged.

3) Read a book! You KNOW you want to. You have a whole stack by your bed just calling out to you. New books, old favorites, books you started but never finished. Where to begin?!

2) Browse Amazon for more books to read! After all, #3 can be a continual loop if only you order back up books far enough in advance. Reading reviews is also a great way to waste, I mean spend, time.

1) Write a Top 10 List on how to procrastinate! Uh oh.... I'd better get back to work!


Do YOU have a favorite writing-avoidance method? ;)

What I've Learned This Week

I'm stealing from my friends Lisa & Laura, and finishing this week out by letting you know the top things I've learned!

Remember, L&L, imitation is the purest form of flattery ;).

10) People on Twitter love talking about a) food, and b) what their cats are doing. I'm not sure why, but it's true. I caved and tweeted about my cat today. Not sure if this is good or bad, but one thing's for sure: I'm very, very afraid.

9) I can't look at http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/ at work without giggling loudly, disturbing my neighbors. It's Just. Too. Funny. I'm still not sure why, but banter + hideous cakes = irrepressible laughter.

8) True Blood is a good show. It has proper vampires that murder people and burst into flames when the sun comes up. I missed that!

7) Listening to heavy metal helps me write better fight scenes. There is such a thing as Viking Metal.

6) Since revising my manuscript, I've now gotten used to only using ONE space after my periods! Can you believe it? I feel like I'm growing as a person.

5) Every time someone mentions getting a Kindle I get a little chill. I want one so badly I can taste it, but I'm totally too cheap to buy one unless the price goes down to... I don't know... free.

4) My husband is as outraged over the Google Settlement thing as I am. I can't believe they scanned all of those books that are still under copyright. WTF, Google? I usually love you, but that ain't cool.

3) I can now read my manuscript without having to stop and fix something in every single sentence :D. I think this means it's almost "done." Like... for reals done.

2) Every time I think about my manuscript being ready to query, I get a shiver of excitement, then a chill of terror, then longing to get to work on my new book Hollow Land, then the chill of terror again. It's like my own mini rollercoaster. And I love it.

1) Last but not least, while reading Neverwhere, I learned that EVEN NEIL GAIMAN USES -LY ADVERBS ONCE IN A WHILE :). They're not illegal, turns out. But you have to be Neil Gaiman to use them.


Also, I got some presents this week :D!


Christine Fonseca was kind enough to give me the Silver Shoe of Sincerity award for leaving sincere blog comments. It's just so SPARKLY! I never knew what it was for, but have long coveted it. I would wear it if I could. Thanks, Christine!

You guys are all amazing commenters, and I love hearing your thoughts, so it was difficult to call out just one person to give this shiny, shiny award to. I chose Yunaleska! Yuna, thank you for always being so encouraging and supportive :). You rock!

Secondly, the ever-fabulous JennyMac gave me her own special award! In case you all didn't know, I give good blog.

If you haven't checked out JennyM's blog, you really should, immediately. She tells the best stories, has yummy recipes, and even creates her own cocktails. Seriously, go there. You know you want to!

I'm going to give this one to Sara Tribble , horror writer and interviewer extraordinarre! Keep it up, Sara! :) I love reading your editor interviews.

I hope you all have wonderful weekends!

Did you learn anything new this week?

Top 10 Ways You Know Your Novel is Finished

Hello, from sunny Revision Pergutory!

It's Thursday here, and it's been Thursday for what seems like eons, because time has no meaning in Revision Purgatory.

I'm sure a lot of you are with me right now, poised on the edge of "done," and ready to dive into the Query Pool.

This... is for you guys.

Top 10 Ways You Know Your Novel's Done!

10) Your own mother is tired of reading your drafts.

9) Your spouse flees the room if he/she sees you with your laptop.

8) You've changed "Steve said" to "said Steve" and back again. Thirty. Separate. Times.

7) You've memorized your opening and closing scenes.

6) Your main characters names are now gibberish to your ears. Steve? Steee-V. Stah--eev?

5) Your keyboard tray has chocolate stains.

4) You are Drunk Revising (much like drunk dialing, but worse.)

3) You've whined to all of your writer pals about how tough all the revising is, but haven't done a single thing all week.

2) Have already started revising your next book just to get away from the current one.

1) You're revising every book you read in your mind, and thinking if only Faulkner had consulted you first.

Happy Friday-Eve, everybody!

Writing Tip: Dialogue Tags

There was a great discussion happening on the QueryTracker.net forums where folks were discussing what annoys them when they're reading. One of the biggest pet peeves?

Unnecessary dialogue tags!

As a recovering Tag-aholic, I definitely agree that these are annoying and bother me when I'm reading.

Have you ever read dialogue that looks like this?

"You're so hilarious, Cindy," John laughed.
"Shut your mouth, you little bitch!" Cindy yelled angrily.
"But you are," John hissed, becoming angry himself.
"No, I'm not," Cindy argued.

Yeaaaaaaaah.

From this discussion and my own Adventures in Rewriting, here are the Top 10 Things To Avoid:

10) Don't make people laugh or giggle their words. They can laugh in-between words, but laughing a whole sentence... yeah, not so much. Try it sometime. If you can actually manage to do it, it doesn't sound like you want your characters to sound. It doesn't sound breezy and fun. It sounds nutso.

9) People can't "hiss" words without an "S" sound. "But you are" can't be hissed, but "Silenceeee!" can be.

8) If you put inner monologue in italics, there is no reason to add "he thought" or "she thought." This was my #1 offense in my novel, and I am surgically removing any "thinking" tags. If thinking has been set apart visually, the reader gets it. Trust them.

7) Adverbs! Adverbs are like chili peppers. One used at the right time makes things zazzier. Tons of them all over the place give you watery eyes and flaming indigestion. Use words like "angrily," "happily," breezily," "saucily," sparingly if ever. And make sure not to rub your eye!

6) Redundancy. "BLARGH!" he yelled. "I hate going to Disneyland," the kid complained. "I despite you," he said, getting angry. We get it. If you show with the words, you don't have to tell with the tags.

5) Name dropping. This applies to both the dialogue itself and any tags.

Example of Badness:

"Hi, John," Cindy said.
"Hi, Cindy," John said.
"So, John, do you have any plans for today?" said Cindy.
"No, but if you want to go to the movies, Cindy, I'd love to join you," John said.

Just... whoa.

If you think about it, people don't often say one another's names in conversation. We also get who's talking after the first couple of tags, so you don't have to attach a name to every piece of dialogue. Put in enough that it makes sense, and leave the rest out.

4) Pronoun-a-palooza. He said/she said gets old just like name dropping. Make sure all of your sentences don't end the same way with a "he said" moment.

3) Structure Repeats. If all of your sentences end with a tag, try either removing the tag, or moving it to the beginning or middle to mix it up. If everything is "Blah blah blah," he said, then it will be jarring to the eye.

2) "Said" is the invisible word. Remember that when in doubt, using "said" instead of "hissed," "cajoled," "spat," "demanded," is invisible to the reader's eye, and not distracting like the others.

1) Do you even need one? The best tip of all is to use as few tags as you can while still getting across who is talking. Most of the time, you can do to delete a few.

I hope this is helpful! Any dialogue tag advice or tips from you guys?

What have you noticed when reading or writing that just drives you nuts?

Positivity Tuesday!

Why Positivity Tuesday, you ask?

It's easy to get discouraged while trying to revise, start a new project, get an agent, sell a book, or just actually get to the gym ever. I've had a hell of a week, and it's only Tuesday, so I wanted to take a moment to smell the roses and then share them with you guys.

Here are some happy thoughts that help me when I'm feeling less-than-positive about the writing/publishing process:

1) Rejections on full manuscripts are like getting a free professional Beta Reader for your project. Feedback is invaluable :).

2) Agents drink just as much Bourbon/Scotch as I do. And are darn proud of it!

3) If you are reading Agent Blogs or hanging out on the Query Tracker forums, you are already about 50% ahead of the competition. BOOYAH GRANDMA!

4) Wallowing in the rejection pool with other people is an awesome way to make friends. I love you guys!

5) If you think about it... and kind of squint... a slush pile is like a big hug for your query made out of paper.

6) Everyone out there is as nervous as you are. It's okay to be nervous, and agents get it. It's the writing that counts!

7) You CAN learn to be a better writer. Practice pays off!

8) Query piles = hilarious stories via agent blogs. My favorites are on http://jetreidliterary.blogspot.com/. Read the tag "Annoy Me," and get ready to build some Self Esteem!

9) NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER!

10) So what if it's hard? If it were easy, everyone would do it.

And then we wouldn't be so AWESOME.

I'd love to hear your happy thoughts in the comments, too! :) Share the goodness!

I hope that you have an amazing Tuesday and rest of your week. God speed, everyone!

Top 10 Ways to Cope with Rejection

Recently, I read this great post on literary agent Nathan Bransford's blog where he asked his readers how they deal with rejection while trying to find an agent. Needless to say you have to have a pretty thick skin to go into this business. Are we all just a bunch of masochists? Probably.

However, I was fascinated by reading how others cope, and wanted to share my Top 10 Ways To Cope with Rejection:

10) Save your rejections in a drawer so later you can roll around in them laughing gleefully and tossing them into the air like Scrooge McDuck once you are published.

9) Keep writing! Use that sadness to add depth to that scene where the hero's puppy gets lukemia.

8) Kill some Nazis/Pirates/Aliens! Nothing makes you feel better like induging in your favorite First Person Shooter, drinking a six pack of Mt. Dew, and dabbing your tears away with cheeto-stained fingers.

7) Read your feedback. If the agent took time to leave you some, it's a victory, and a tool for later success.

6) Blog about it. Hey, at least you're writing, right?

5) Send out more queries! Nothing beats the Rejection Blues like putting some more irons in the fire. It's a numbers game, so whatever you do, keep going!

4) Work out! Writing all day probably means sitting all day, so use that extra fuel to go for a walk.

3) If number 4 isn't your style, then eat chocolate. Lots of delicious chocolate. Just don't stain all those new queries you're addressing!

2) Two words: Tears. Beers. (Courtesy of David)

1) AAAAAAND, the all time best way to cope??

Remember that every rejection you get means you are one step closer to finding that agent that is meant for you and your work :). I believe in God's plan, and this number one keeps me going.

Link to Nathan's fabulous post:
http://nathanbransford.blogspot.com/2009/03/you-tell-me-how-do-you-deal-with.html

Have a great weekend, and please feel free to share your favorite ways to cope in the comments!