tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1341936379982803463.post1839972901736516408..comments2024-02-16T02:33:26.141-08:00Comments on Rebecca Knight: Writer In Progress: Teaser Tuesday: the beginning of my new WIPRebecca Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15214077952378770753noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1341936379982803463.post-40424853029261383092009-06-10T09:11:02.386-07:002009-06-10T09:11:02.386-07:00See, when you said "giant" I was like th...See, when you said "giant" I was like thinking giants you know, not the "giants." So that was awesome!Elana Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05877856005992028912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1341936379982803463.post-89152851832487400782009-06-10T08:36:57.112-07:002009-06-10T08:36:57.112-07:00Thanks, guys! :DThanks, guys! :DRebecca Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15214077952378770753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1341936379982803463.post-46627547582719635922009-06-09T19:11:21.132-07:002009-06-09T19:11:21.132-07:00Loved Scott's suggestions. More importantly, ...Loved Scott's suggestions. More importantly, really intrigued with the beginning! Very nice start.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1341936379982803463.post-64549136384409432562009-06-09T15:19:58.500-07:002009-06-09T15:19:58.500-07:00Nice. It will be interesting to see where you go w...Nice. It will be interesting to see where you go with this. :DDanyelle L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10366276085080565870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1341936379982803463.post-46285895281443825032009-06-09T12:41:04.576-07:002009-06-09T12:41:04.576-07:00Good point, Abby. I didn't catch that was con...Good point, Abby. I didn't catch that was confusing :P.<br /><br />And I would love to have you as a beta! Yaaaaaay! I'd, of course, be delighted to return the favor, too. I love reading your stuff :D.Rebecca Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15214077952378770753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1341936379982803463.post-47555702631706309002009-06-09T12:18:48.477-07:002009-06-09T12:18:48.477-07:00This sounds really interesting! I would love to be...This sounds really interesting! I would love to be a beta reader, when you're ready. :)<br /><br />I think Scott made some really good suggestions. The only other thing I can see is in the last paragraph you have "This is the beginning, but it is by no means the end." Should it be "This isn't the beginning"? Just sounds a little confusing as is.Abby Annishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05543937393055900844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1341936379982803463.post-36874274940508864942009-06-09T12:06:47.165-07:002009-06-09T12:06:47.165-07:00I appreciate the help, Scott! I like all of your s...I appreciate the help, Scott! I like all of your suggestions, so much obliged!<br /><br />I hate learning things the hard way. This is why I love posting this stuff--you guys rock!Rebecca Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15214077952378770753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1341936379982803463.post-88632240872440043282009-06-09T11:45:03.871-07:002009-06-09T11:45:03.871-07:00Rebecca - I'm intrigued.
Suggestions:
1st Pa...Rebecca - I'm intrigued.<br /><br />Suggestions:<br /><br />1st Paragraph - stop at 'untouched by time' and then create a new paragraph with 'Nemue City sleeps . . .'<br /><br />Current 2nd Paragraph - stop at 'through a wall of their creators' and then create a new paragraph with 'That's when Nemue began . . .'<br /><br />My reasoning - 'Nemue City sleeps' seems to need separation from the rest of the paragraph, and same thing with the "That's when Nemue began . . .' For me, these are semi-dramatic moments that need to stand out on their own. <br /><br />In fact, what about starting your story with "Nemue City sleeps, but it doesn't forget" and then do your intro paragraph?<br /><br />I learned the hard way that sometimes swapping around opening paragraphs can really add 'bang' to an opening. I know this is your rough draft and there's a ton of stuff to do still. : )<br /><br />Just some random, and hopefully not harsh at all, thoughts. I get a hint of where you're going with the story.<br /><br />Best of luck.<br /><br />SScotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06905515473737579937noreply@blogger.com